I bust out into tears last night. 

What the fuck do you think - I have no brain in my skull? Of course I fucking goes in a fucking meaningful direction you fuckface. I don’t know how to figure out what your expectations should be when I am dealing with all this pain at the same time. So right now, I’m all super sensitive to everything people say and hyper-analyzing their interactions with me. I want to be the shit of out people. I can feel my arm muscles tightening up and fists forming.  I feel solid, like steel. My jaw set, my voice low, my eyes piercing. Biting comments are jumping off the edge of my tongue, and I’m ready.

Other times I want to run far away  stop time so that I don’t have to deal with solids and crawling and signing.

But I never run away. And I never fight. I smile. I fake it till I make it.

As I’m growing up, you might not have realized it then, but everything you did, every word spoken, every action taken, every gesture… I am taking it all in, soaking it all up like a sponge. And we, I, might not have realized how important it would all become until I became a mom someday. Everything you did served as an invaluable life lesson, shaping who am I, creating who I’ve become. You taught us that being a good parent does not mean you are perfect, it just means that you are always looking out for your family’s best interests. You have taught us so much, mom.

From the earliest memory I have I remember wanting to grow up and be a Mom just like you. You gave and continue to give in ways I am unsure I am capable of.  

Happy Mother’s Day to the most beautiful woman I know. I love you!

Love,

Vin